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Write the sentence good

 
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Deirdre
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 6:14 pm    Post subject: Write the sentence good Reply with quote

Telegraph.co.UK wrote:
Shortly before its death, scientists preserved skin samples of the goat, a subspecies of the Spanish ibex that live in mountain ranges across the country, in liquid nitrogen.


Helluva place to live, that liquid nitrogen.
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dhouston67
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 8:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nobody expects the Spanish ibex to be preserved in liquid nitrogen!
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ccpetersen
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, actually it's correct -- if awkward. If the last comma were missing, then it would indeed be in liquid nitrogen the place as you surmised.

Actually, it should be done as follows:

Shortly before its death scientists preserved skin samples of the goat -- a subspecies of the Spanish ibex that live in mountain ranges across the country -- in liquid nitrogen.

still awkward, but less so...

or

Shortly before its death, scientists preserved skin samples of the goat (a subspecies of the Spanish ibex that live in mountain ranges across the country) in liquid nitrogen.

or even better:

Scientists preserved skin samples of the goat (which was a subspecies of the Spanish ibex that live in mountain ranges across the country) in liquid nitrogen shortly before its death.

(I notice this crap -- I used to be an editor and ink-stained wretch back when I was an idealistic young'un. I still edit stuff from time to time, especially for scientists who can do science but aren't quite so up on grammar doo-dads and punctuation thingies. My favorite editing curmudgeon book? Eats Shoots and Leaves... )
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Bruce
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Now, I would be tempted to edit it this way:

Shortly before its death, scientists preserved skin samples of the goat in liquid nitrogen. This ruminant is a subspecies of the Spanish ibex that live in mountain ranges across the country.

Of course if I were actually trying to sell this I'd edit it this way:

Shortly before its death, scientists preserved skin samples of the goat in liquid nitrogen. This ruminant is a rare subspecies of the Spanish ibex that live in mountain ranges across the country, and if certain legends are true, that its droppings contain a high percentage of gold, future mass clonings may reverse our current economic downturn and bring lasting prosperity to all. All hail the goat!

B
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Deirdre
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 8:32 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I, for one, welcome our new ruminant overlords.
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Lance Blair
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 9:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Since I was a kid, a big fan of German grammar rules, am I.

First time, then manner, then place...

Shortly after it died
, they stuffed that ol' baa-baa into a jar of gunk.


Or, use variations of what Bruce wrote.
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ConnieTerwilliger
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Joined: 07 Dec 2004
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

What was the job? If it was an audio textbook, then we have to read what was writ - but if this was for a video where you want people to actually understand what you are talking about, I'd probably stump for a re-write.
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Deirdre
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 12:06 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It wasn't a job, just a jangled sentence in The Telegraph.
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SeptemberDay
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 12:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

On the bright side, this actually got me curious about the Spanish ibex. One of the subspecies just went extinct in 2000. Viva los ibexes!!
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ccpetersen
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PostPosted: Sun Feb 01, 2009 7:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ruminant overlords... hmmm.. we may be on to something here...

Wink
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Donna
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PostPosted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 8:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lance made me laff!
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