VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

ronphi · Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:21 pm Post subject: I Think I Have A Demo

After much practicing and auditioning and coaching and critiquing I finally went to a studio and recorded a demo. Here is the preliminary version. I'm ready for some honest comments and suggestions. HIT ME!!!

My First Demo
_________________
Ron Phillips

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urging for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

bobsouer · Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2008 6:45 pm Post subject:

Ron,

There's some really good stuff on here. To me at least, the only weak bit (and not all that weak) is the second clip. I think I can hear what you were aiming for, I'm just not sure you hit it dead center.

Good variety of clips, very nice voice, good production. Overall, really good. I would never guess this was your first demo, had you not told us.
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Be well,
Bob Souer (just think of lemons)
The second nicest guy in voiceover.
+1-724-613-2749
Source Connect, phone patch, pony express

robert jadah · Guest

Again, Ron, we see that beauty is in the ear of the beholder.
To these ears, you committed demo hara-kiri by leading with the weakest clip; I thought the opening was monotonic and somewhat short of the exhuberance necessary for the copy.
It's been said that Seekers give you eight seconds. You have got to grab them.

I'd lead with the second bit, which showed both range and emotion. I'd frankly dump clip one, which aspires to be something you're not: excitable, hard-sell fireworks. I'd replace it with a PSA about orphans, tsunami victims, Savvy refugees, or some such heart-tugging topic.
With your intonation and sporadic oomph, methinks that would be your money voice.

BenWils · Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 12:59 pm Post subject:

Pretty decent production.....but the voice....it sounds like you are stuck between the "who the heck am I supposed to be" and "where the heck am I?"

Meaning, it doesn't sound like you are comfortable in who you need to be in these scripts and who it is you are talking to. It could be that you were in a foreign environment being in a studio you rented out and you were just not in the "groove". Or it could be that you have a lot more work to do on the acting side of the game. It is a very hard thing to do to be comfortable talking into a mesh covered device with foam and 55 degree angled walls all around you. You have to remove yourself from the sterility of everything and just be you....let your personality shine....or to just be whomever it is you are asked to be.

There is nothing majorly wrong with the demo....but it has a ways to go before it is gonna make people say "wow, now that was good stuff".

Just some honest thoughts. Good luck, Ron.
_________________
Ben

"To be really good at voiceover, you need to improve your footwork and hip snap."

ronphi · Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 6:40 pm Post subject:

Thank you all for the input. I appreciate every word. One of our board members did a little rearranging and audio tweaking and came up with this revised version. I believe it flows better.

I would still like to get some more input if possible though.

Give it to me straight, Doctor, I can take it!

My First Demo Part Deux
_________________
Ron Phillips

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urging for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

samowry · Posted: Mon Jul 21, 2008 7:31 pm Post subject:

Ron,
Much better line up. I'm with Bob S. though on the (now) last spot. I'd drop that all together. The others have good energy and a nice conversational tone. You could end your demo with the "What if this happened to you" spot. It has the regular guy read that I think is your strength, with a little drama that you pull off well.

My 2¢.

Keep us posted and good luck.
SamA