VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 6:01 pm Post subject: Updated commercials reel

Added a few spots to show my "Gen-x" younger hipper stuff which I've been told is my money voice. Feedback appreciated!

http://jeffreykafer.com/Jeffrey_Kafer_commercials.mp3
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mcm · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 5:20 am Post subject:

Hey Jeff - you sound great!

I listened several times and am left feeling that there is a better arrangement possible but am not sure what it is. My favorite spots are #2 (Bank of Seattle) and #5 (Dad) and would be inclined to lead with one of those, but your instinct to lead with a higher energy spot is probably better. Do you have any possibilities that are higher energy than any of these 6?

A few little things: Spot #3 (high-speed internet) is lopped off a bit too much at the beginning. The "B" in Venice Beach is a bit plosive and should be smoothed out. I like that spot btw - shows your flexibility. Spot #6 - your emphasis on PART in Frederick Police DePARTment struck me as odd.

Overall, you sound really good. I would like to see the first spot really grab the listener and if that spot is not #2 or #5 then I think it isn't on the demo yet. I hope this is even slightly helpful and that somebody more used to crtiquing can step in and articulate what I don't seem to be able to!

Diane Maggipinto · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 7:10 am Post subject:

heh. i downloaded your clips, jeff, so i could mess around with them a la bob souer. but they're sitting in the vault, since i was interrupted at the start and haven't resurrected that project. but i will! i WILL!
oh yeah, and i owe you a phone call and mcm an email and ...
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Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 11:13 am Post subject:

Thanks for the feedback Mary.

The higher energy stuff feels far more natural to me (just talk to me in person and you'll know why) and Ive been told I'm much better at the younger gen-x type stuff than the softer pieces. Of course, that opinion comes from someone I don't really trust anymore, but I digress. I think the the opinion is still accurate so I'm trying to rebrand myself as the "voice of the modern generation".

I'm a little surprised that the first piece doesn't grab you. I think it's the strongest one by far.

I'll take a look at some of the technicals like plosives and chopped off-ness. Can't have noob mistakes like those in there.

Thanks again. Very appreciated.
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mcm · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 11:23 am Post subject:

Jeff, that's why I'm hoping for more opinions - I really love those two calmer pieces but that's just where I am at the moment - in need of a soothing voice! I think the first piece is very strong. But, I just have a feeling there is another piece somewhere in your kit bag that would pack a bigger wollap (eek, how is that spelled).

bobsouer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 11:50 am Post subject:

Jeffrey,

We can talk about some of this more on Sunday evening, but the one thing (to change) that stood out to me was the "fade up" that Mary pointed out. That same clip is also faded down a bit too abruptly at the end.
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Deirdre · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 1:03 pm Post subject:

Jeff:

I love your sound to be sure, but at the moment I don't believe a lot of what you are saying.

Your enthusiasm has to be based on some kind of reality, not just an an arbitrary choice of melodic changes in your pitch.

I think you need to really consider how to make that sincere connection with your product and your audience. Your frame of reference is the bridge, your voice is what it's made of.
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Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 1:15 pm Post subject:

Well now that an interesting opinion I've not heard before, and one that merits some serious thought. Is this the case with all of the spots or just a select few?
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Deirdre · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:09 pm Post subject:

I hear it throughout, but not so much in the 3rd element.
It's the thing that has you accidentally emphasizing the wrong syllable in a word, or having a list of three things in a spot all having similar ending cadences.

It's well-enunciated, it's fluent.
Needs soul. Your hot connection with the product or service is what heats up the listener's imagination.
When you are doing the computer monitor spot, what are you seeing in your mind?
Who are you?
Where are you?
What connection are you trying to make?
Think in terms of active verbs: to excite, to invite, to share. "To inform" is weak and is the simple announcer stuff.
YOU know something about that monitor that most folks don't. You use it— you love it! You want other people to enjoy it the same way you do. If it doesn't make their lives easier, it will make them look much cooler while they work.
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bobsouer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:25 pm Post subject:

Deirdre,

Exceptionally cogent points.
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todd ellis · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:26 pm Post subject:

10-4! LOVE your voice, jeff. but the reads do lack emotion. you've got a great "edgy" sound which, with a little more "acting" thrown into the voice acting will make you millions!

jmho
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Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 2:43 pm Post subject:

Looks like I've got my work cut out for me since that's the hardest thing to pinpoint and fix.

Alrighty, back to the drawing board. Thanks all!
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asnively · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:01 pm Post subject:

I'm going to agree with Deirdre and add that making a real connection with the material will help with the problem of emphasizing the words in odd places, which happens throughout.

Instead of thinking of the words as sounds to make, think about how people would say that same sentence to someone sitting next to them. You've got a super sound, but a solid acting class would be a great next step. And I would either cut or move that first piece toward the back. I don't think it's a strong opener. You're on the right track! Now make the words make sense, and think about ideas instead of sounds.
Smile

Amy
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Deirdre · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 3:19 pm Post subject:

Jeff— call me with some copy and I'll talk you through my process.

Happy Birthday.

xoxo
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Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Wed Oct 31, 2007 5:27 pm Post subject:

Wow, you guys really are the best.

My high school drama teacher would be smacking me right now for not delivering the emotion of the copy. I've been trying so hard to sound good because I don't have a "good" voice in conversation. Ironically, my background is theater, lots and lots of theater. Time to tap into that and deliver. If I can deliver that, it doesn't matter what my voice sounds like.

I know what I need to do now.

Deebs, I'd love to give you a call. If I run into some stumbling blocks, can I call you then?
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Voice-overload Web comic: http://voice-overload.com