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SheSpeaksCopy · Guest

Is Your Home Behaving Badly?

Do your windows “break wind” in the winter?
Do your exterior doors "expose their crack" more then your sidewalk?
Do you catch your furnace smoking in the house?
Do your toilets "take a leak" on the bathroom floor?
Have your faucets become endless boring drips to listen to?

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Ok ya'll, this guy wants to leave a lasting impression on every listeners funny bone. He wants a commercial that people will go, "Hey did you hear that commercial about the farting house?" He intends to use humor to help him create a brand for his business. This guy not only resembles Tim Taylor, he acts like him too! He also does great work (home repair and remodeling).

Seriously folks, he wants this to air next week and I need a professional opinion on this before it goes to the stations. Are they going to pitch this back out as too "over the top" for a prime air time? This is for a local business and will be played locally. This is also part of my writing market as well. I'd love to give him what he wants, just don't want to shoot myself in the foot to do it. What are your thoughts? Keep, Toss, or Rewrite?

Spacegypsy · Guest

Hi Anita - now I see why we got frisky on the post about the guy playing the piano with his balls - you were busy thinking of innuendos for this ad! Smile

The only one I think is a bit questionable is the "crack" one. Otherwise, it's a great angle for grabbing attention!

Doc · Guest

Anita,

I think this piece is VERY clever... and I'd like to perform the voiceover.

I don't know your client, but if he wants his ad to stand out from the rest, he should approve. Then, again, you have those P.C. stations that will refuse to air some things. I say, "Pish-posh". However, in this case, maybe you'd want to have some backup copy just in case.

I wouldn't change a word. And, YES - I want to do the V.O. !!

Sticking out Tongue

Deirdre · Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 9:28 pm Post subject:

Believe it or not, I'm nearly a complete prude with radio and TV ad copy.

This one goes beyond my tolerance immediately, but I am certainly not what you could classify as "an average listener".

I wouldn't do it-- there are other things I don't voice in Boston either. I'm known as a real sissy.
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SheSpeaksCopy · Guest

Spacegypsy, this line origionally read "...shows more crack then your plumber." I vetoed that idea immediately (don't anticipate any lawsuits from the sidewalk builders union Confused

Doc, I don't know who is going to read this. My client sound quite a bit like Tom Bodett but, I don't think he should read this himself. I can't do it because I feel a male voice would carry this off a bit better. I'll pull up your demos and he can listen.

DB, I have to write all kinds of copy and this is the first time I've written this type of script for airplay. Honestly, I've gotten some great laughs from my "test group" but, I'm still a bit nervous to put my name on it. This will probably go over pretty well for selected mainstream stations. Oh, and there are some things I won't write either...we all have our personal limits of different topics.

brianforrester · Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 11:22 pm Post subject:

Anita,

I personally don't see you having a problem with this one...

I hear copy that is a million times more offensive on quite a regular basis on the top Canadian Rocker station (CJAY 92 - www.cjay92.com) it appeals to a certain audience, and while there are some who might cringe... the majority of the listening audience these days are used to fart jokes and poo talk throughout the morning drive and well beyond! Those who don't care for it, may stop listening, but I'd be willing to bet even those who find it somewhat unappealing, will remember the company name and at the end of the day, that's what it's all about!! I think you've accomplished exactly what the client is looking for.

~ CAUTION ~ Shameless personal plug to follow ... I'd certainly be happy to provide a spec read for this one, if you would like, just let me know.

Send it in as is and I think that you're off to the races!
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Philip Banks · Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 2:09 am Post subject:

If it helps, I didn't laugh or even raise a smile. Looking at the broader picture, if that's what the client wants let him have it. I honestly believe it will not become the talking point in the neighbourhood.

My approach would be to get rid of 50% of the words and use sound FX.

"This is the sound of your home" SFX STOMACH GROWL, BURP, COUGH, CREAK, GRINDING METAL, TOILET FLUSH MIXED WITH EVIL LAUGH, CAR STARTER MOTOR AND BACKFIRE..... "Ok it's your home, it just ain't pretty!

(Insert body ccopy)

.......(Outline) We'll be happy and you'll be happy when you're home is .......SFX Hawaiin music, gentle running water, sexy giggle, contented baby gurgle.

kgenus · Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:55 am Post subject:

You can run the copy, I like the lines but it tells no story and as such goes to File 13.

People remember stories that you paint with words, stories they can relate to, not the clever lines.... Someone up north or in Canada, can not remember, wrote an ad about a deck company. It started with a woman describing her husband saying he was going to invite his friends over to help him build a deck, they got together, got drunk and never built the deck and the summer was almost over and she hadn't had any fun. It ended with the wife calling the builder who came over, built the deck quickly and she had her party. Although it wasn't said, you were left questioning if the party was with the guys who built the deck. The tag was essentially "Get your party started" and it was the talk of the town, the builder was booked with an average two month wait.

Theatre of the mind ... paint the picture.
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Philip Banks · Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:35 am Post subject:

Obviously as someone new to copywriting I know Anita must be thrilled to receive the combined wisdom of Mr Banks and Mr Genius (typo?surely not).

When the basics have been learned we will move on to verbs, effective dialogue, the creative led sell and dangling participles.

Deirdre · Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:19 am Post subject:

Anyone who dangles participles around here will be severely reprimanded.
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Bailey · Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:30 am Post subject:

"Commercial" acceptance depends upon the audience...
Staunton, Virginia. Population... 25,000. The town borders West Virginia.
Unless the local churches file a complaint, I bet that most of the locals would get a kick out of back hills humor.
Smile

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SheSpeaksCopy · Guest

Many of the folk here who would use my clients service would not be offended by this spot. My thoughts are they would probably hire him simply because this ad resembles (roughly) the type of humor they get from Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, etc. The ad would run on WKCY 104.3FM the top local country radio station. They have a huge listening audience and are the top country station for this area. I've heard worse then this on their ongoing "Big Fat Herb's Diesel and Firing Range Truck Stop" fillers. The problem is WKCY is also the most expensive for air time. There are also several other country stations to choose from. The deciding factor may be what my clients choices are within his budget.

The sole purpose of the radio ad is to generate a buzz about his company. There are also prints ads in the local papers as well as a flyer going out to a target market group. Incidently, my research isn't turning up any contractors who do my client's particular type of work advertising on the radio.

I will admit the radio ad was my idea. None of my clients competitiors were using it. What started out as an ad similar to what Banksey suggested has become another animal entirely! If it runs as it is written now, those that know my client will assume he wrote it. I don't need the credit...just a check, thank you!

Philip Banks · Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:11 am Post subject:

Absolutely the right approach - Just smile and take his money.

If there are press ad's and fliers, were I the client I would get them to say the same thing. What draws the eye to the print should also grab the attention of the listener.

"People who know him would think it was him who wrote it". If the campaign is targeted at people who know him that's fine but I suspect it isn't.

allensco · Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:13 am Post subject:

Anita,

It got a big smile outta me! I like it and say run it as is! If folks can't handle a little humor
that's their problem. When it's heard, the listener will know it's commercial ad and will
remember it. I've heard worse than this on the air on stations around my small town.
We ALL laugh and remember when someone breaks wind, see's someone' crack, etc.
(you know you do cause you TELL someone else about it!) so I see nothing wrong with it.

By the way, I'd love to take a shot at the read too!

Doc · Guest

Anita,

I STILL think it's good as is... and I STILL want a shot at the read. And, HEY - I was first! (Now I know what "radio whore" means.)

I think you're right about your client. And, you wrote it based upon that information. I say, "You go, girl"!

:lol: