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BruceG · Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 1:15 pm Post subject: Medical Narration Demo

Hi all,

I am hoping to get tough, honest, constructive critque of my Medical Narration Demo in terms of the read, production quality and anything else that you may think of. Any/all feedback will always be greatly appreciated!

Thank you in advance Smile

Medical Narration Demo
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Bob Bergen · CM Joined: 22 Apr 2008 Posts: 981

Hey Bruce! I think you are terrific! You have a skill I wish I had organically. Reading that kind of medical mumbo jumbo is just not my thing. And, like with audio books I'm too impatient to perfect the skills.

You do a great job! That perfect combination of knowledgeably and believable. Good for you! B

Scott Pollak · Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 2:39 pm Post subject:

You had me at "endocrine glands".....
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BruceG · Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 6:09 pm Post subject:

Thank you both! Coming from both of you that feedback means a lot to me. Smile

I welcome other folks' feedback as well, especially if they see something that I need to fix...
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"What was that? An exhibition? We need emotional content." - Bruce Lee, Enter The Dragon

Lance Blair · M&M Joined: 03 Jun 2007 Posts: 2281 Location: Atlanta

It sounds rushed...I'm only saying this because when I read medical narrations at this pace for my clients they push back and say they don't want that. It's tricky...the complexity of the phrases tend to draw us to speak more quickly. Also, on one hand you don't want to sound like you're "dumbing it down" for people who already know the terms so very well, but at the same time you don't want to sound like it's rushed. Medical narrations also have oodles of graphics so to match the editing the pace can crawl at times. Maybe add a few clips where the pace slows down a gear for five-eight seconds and then picks back up?

Now, all the same, I think your performance is good and you sound very much like you know what you're talking about. That's excellent, and you've done great. However, if somebody took this and played it in a noisy conference room on a laptop or on a big sound system in a large hall...would it work as well?

Listening to it again, the first clip is great, the second half of #2 is fast, the diction gets a bit frayed in #3 and #4 is hurried. So, there's a sense also of things getting more and more rushed, with the last sentence being perhaps the most rushed of all. The music is pretty percussive and drives things along, so that can buy you some space in the phrasing of things.
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melissa eX · Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:57 am Post subject:

Your command of the terminology is impressive! All good reads but a couple of comments on some technical stuff. I think part of the reason some of it sounds fast, as Lance mentioned, is the breaths have been edited out along with the spaces where the breaths would go - and some of the natural pauses at the end of some sentences have been tightened up too much. I'm not a big fan of editing out all breaths - sounds unnatural - and I don't do it unless specifically asked to do so - I'll edit out some and reduce the volume on ones that are loud enough to be a distraction instead. If I do edit some out I always leave a pause there that sounds natural - not too short or too long.

Also, you may want some more variety in type of material. Medical narration spans all types of VO and the reads are different depending on what type and who your target audience is. Your samples here are great for professional applications - Physician to Physician. You and your listeners all inhabit that same world in these reads. But there are a lot of other types of medical narration and you want to show you can do them as well. There is a lot of medical IVR for instance.. In many cases those listening are patients, often elderly, who choose the phone rather than internet. You need to have a slower more measured read to allow them to absorb and maybe write down points they need to. There's also medical e-learning where you're talking to a group of professionals but you're in teaching mode. Then there's narration that's directed strictly at the consumer that kind of spans the informative to almost salesy. Things like - here are all the reasons laying out in the sun all day isn't a good thing - so what you have to do is look for protection so here are the things to look for in a good sunscreen, so go do that and buy one now.

You've got the tough part down though! You sound totally natural with the material and know what you're talking about.

Bruce · Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 6:37 am Post subject:

I didn't find the speed too fast except for the editing out of breaths. You did get a bit mushy on diction towards the end.

I'd kill the music. Most narrations for medical professionals are voice only.

You over emphasized the word "tumor" later in the demo as though you were comparing it to squamous something else. There rarely is anything else described as squamous besides tumors.

The BIG NO-NO, you mispronounced squamous. It's squay-mohs, not squah-mohs. That could hurt your chances.

It's challenging work, but worth it if you can master it. Go for it.

B
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Lance Blair · M&M Joined: 03 Jun 2007 Posts: 2281 Location: Atlanta

SQAYmohs! I'll remember that Bruce, thanks!

I liked what Melissa was saying about variety of content. I'd add to that list consumer/salesy scripts for new medical devices/tools, procedural e-learning videos that instruct how a procedure is done (lots of demonstrative language), and hospital/facility tours.

But hey, you've got the comfort -tone of a colleague in-the-know down, so you're off and running! Good luck!
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ccpetersen · Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 8:54 am Post subject:

Lance put his finger on something important: the venue it will be played in. I do VO work for fulldome video, which is "immersive", meaning that the audience is immersed in the scene. As such, these types of videos cannot be shot and edited the same as "flat screen" videos with hard cuts, jumps, fast action, etc. AND, the narration must be a bit more relaxed both in delivery and in editing. A rushed show in flat screen will REALLY overwhelm the audience in immersive media.

So I would imagine it would be a similar issue of "misfire" in delivery if you are rushed and then the result is played in the environment Lance describes.
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BruceG · Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 12:41 pm Post subject:

Thank you to Lance, Melissa, Bruce and CC!

This is all good for me to hear and I appreciate you all taking the time to offer critique! I've got plenty to work with now in terms of making adjustments.

I could smack myself silly for forgetting about "squay-mous"... Gasp

Thank you all again. Smile

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"What was that? An exhibition? We need emotional content." - Bruce Lee, Enter The Dragon