VO-BB - 19 YEARS OLD!

Deb C · Joined: 26 Oct 2014 Posts: 10

Hi all,

Happy New Year!

A while back I posted a message on another board about getting started and creating a website. I now have my website up and running and would like to get some feedback. I'm a VO newbie and quite frankly don't have any credits yet, so the website is very basic with just a brief bio and my demos. Many thanks!

www.debconroyvoiceovers.com

Deb

kevinpowe · Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 7:25 pm Post subject:

That's a really clean design, Deb!

They're only teeny suggestions, but consider possibly:

* Adding a little white space at the bottom of the page to balance with the right margin
* Change the first sentence to "Deb offers a natural, conversational delivery for your message" to talk right at your clients.

...and that's mostly me hunting for suggestions to make. Smile

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Deb C · Joined: 26 Oct 2014 Posts: 10

Kevin --

Thanks very much!

Yeah, I agree with your change to the first sentence.

As far as white space, there is white space where the text and demos are, so I don't really understand what you mean about balancing the right margin. Is the design not showing up across your entire screen? Thanks again.

Deb

Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 7:51 pm Post subject:

Nice and clean and works on iOS, but I wonder if there's something else you can do on the left other than paragraphs of text. I'm not convinced producers in a hurry really read that stuff (I didnt). Maybe one paragraph and use the space for previous clients, YouTube videos of past work etc.
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Bish · Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 8:08 pm Post subject:

Nice and clean... but I'll nit-pick a little...

Your name needs to break away from the darker green elements of your banner (the leaves). The colors are good, but just a little clear white space will help the name pop.

I agree with Jeffrey that the text is a little too much. Maybe a shorter piece with some clients listed.

Oh... and whatever you do... lose the reference to CD delivery. It indicates that you are not of this century... if a client wants CDs, they will ask. Those that gave them up a decade or more ago will see the reference and think it "quaint" Wink

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Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 8:57 pm Post subject:

Yeah lose the references to file delivery. It's assumed you will be able to do so. I kind of doubt anyone is going to think "but can she FTP??"
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heyguido · Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 9:37 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry....

I must be new here.

What's FTP?

Inoccent

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kevinpowe · Posted: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:39 pm Post subject:

Ah, apologies for not being clearer, Deb.

I'd suggest adding a little white space at the bottom of the page past the text - at the moment, the page ends right at the last of the text. It might just be me, but it feels a little cramped that way, given that there's ample white space on the left and right of the text.

Does that make sense?

Also, I noticed when viewing the page on a larger screen (1920x1280) the header image doesn't resize accordingly to fill the space, but that's trickier to deal with.

[/img]
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DougVox · Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:51 am Post subject:

Hi Deb!

I'll leave the design and layout to those who understand it, and focus on the writing/grammar.

In the opening line maybe change, "...delivery of a client's message." to "...delivery of your message." (Imagine that you're not 'broadcasting' information about your services, but speaking directly to your client, And really, you are, since they're the ones who will be reading this.)

Same thing at the end of the 2nd paragraph, where "...the client's message" could be "...your message."

The second sentence in paragraph 2 and the first sentence in paragraph 3 are really long. I'd consider breaking them into smaller sentences.

(Keep in mind that if you're marketing to the medical field, the writers of the materials are often the ones doing the hiring, and they'll notice things like that when they visit your site.)

The line, "While Deb is available for all genres of voice over, she has an extensive background in healthcare resulting in a particular interest in medical narration." is missing a comma after "healthcare." (Because one really can't have a background in "healthcare resulting in a particular interest in medical narration.")

The line, "Deb has honed her skills in this area through coaching with a nationally recognized talent/coach specializing in medical narration affording Deb the skills required..." is missing a comma after "narration."

Two sentences in a row end with the word, "manner." Maybe change the second one to something like ..."to complete projects on time and on budget."

In the line ..."if what she has in her demos don't meet your needs." "don't" should be "doesn't."

(Sorry for all the detail. It's a sickness.) Smile

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todd ellis · Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 10:54 am Post subject:

i like a good clean website. this is one. i'll +1 the addition of a bit of space at the bottom to un-cramp a bit and making your name "pop" a bit from the background. a bit of drop shadow at 35° will do wonders. just don't over do it.
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Bailey · Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 11:59 am Post subject:

todd ellis · Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 3:15 pm Post subject:

i thought it was For Transferring to Philip.

another method by which philip banks gets all the voice over work.
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DougVox · Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 5:13 pm Post subject:

I assumed that it was Fly me To Portgordon.

Always the best course of action when a sobering dose of reality is the prescription.
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Deb C · Joined: 26 Oct 2014 Posts: 10

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Especially Doug for the helpful grammar corrections. This is exactly the kind of constructive criticism I was looking for. Greatly appreciated!

Deb Conroy
Deb Conroy VoiceOvers

Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Mon Jan 12, 2015 8:24 pm Post subject:

"Especially" Doug? I think my feedback was way more valuable than Doug's.
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