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Yet Another (Reworked) Commercial Demo

 
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dhouston67
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Joined: 01 Aug 2005
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 8:49 pm    Post subject: Yet Another (Reworked) Commercial Demo Reply with quote

New Commercial Demo - Oct 06

Here's my revamped commercial demo. One question: is the "iTattoo" spot too different from the other clips voice-wise, or does it perhaps show some versatility?

Do that voodoo that you all do. (Please.)
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donrandall
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 11:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

David - I am one who admires your work very much. That is why I am a bit surprised at what I hear in that demo. Some of it seems a little flat - almost like you were just saying the words, not actually selling the message.

1) Honda Civic: Car spots are notorious for cramming what should be 40 seconds of copy into 29 seconds, so it is difficult to justify a criticism that the read seemed too rushed - but, to me, it did. Powerful is good in a hard sell, even moving quickly through the copy can be good, but this just sounds rushed for the sake of getting it done on time.

2) Los Angeles Times: Is that a store or a story you are selling? The context tells me it must be "story" but it is difficult to pick that out, even listening for it.

3) Magazines, Dogs & Algebra: In the context of the full spot, that clip may work - but when removed from that context, it needs to be done with a bit more attitude to really give you the chance to show your stuff. I'm thinking just a very slight sense of the harmless, good natured smart ass.

4) Internet: Again, a clip that probably sounds better when in the context of the complete spot but as a clip, it begs for a more engaging read. A little more drama in the line "...are you ready (very brief dramatic pause here) to join the fight...".

5) Tattoo gizmo: I like it. I think this one will hit it's intended demographic target right dead center bullseye.

6) Dunkin Donuts: This is the one that really surprised me. In all honesty, it sounded to me like you really did not care one way or the other. I thought it came off as flat and devoid of any feeling at all. I love coffee and I love donuts - and it would take very little temptation to make me want a nice cup of hot coffee and about six of those wonderful, plain, cake donuts. But, in all honesty, I wasn't even tempted.

Please don't think I am trying to be negative or unfair or harsh - that is not my intent. What motivated my comments is my awareness that you are very talented and very able. Overall, I have been greatly and favorably impressed by what I have heard from you and that is why this one seems like a bit of a let down.
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Philip Banks
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Joined: 20 Jun 2005
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Location: Portgordon, Scotland

PostPosted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 11:27 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I don't know how well you're doing at the moment and it's none of my business, but with some smart marketing and that demo you should do a lot better. It's time to raise your game.

Most demo's we hear are screaming out "I am able" and those who listen are screaming back "No you aren't. You don't need to do that, you are more than able. Any demo's you work on now should show your X factor, you either know what that is already or you'll know it when you hear it. If you need to post that demo on here for a critique it doesn't have the X factor, coz there ain't nobody on here who is really qualified t'critique that baby iffin y'all did.
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Bruce
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 6:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A fine demo David. Quintessential you.

B
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dhouston67
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PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 11:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Many thanks, all. This is pretty much a work in progress, so some of the bits will likely be redone or replaced.

I had that same "If you have to ask..." feeling as I posted, Philip. Still, I like getting feedback whenever possible. (My, but this place has spoiled me.)

As far as my X-Factor? I don't think I yet have a handle on it, I've heard it said that "trying to 'define yourself' is like trying to bite your own teeth".

(Also: Tonight Show guitarist Kevin Eubanks said "You can't really define your own style. It's like a cat chasing its tail. Once you catch it, you find it was attached to your butt the whole time.")
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mcm
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Joined: 10 Dec 2004
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Location: w. MA, USA

PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 1:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

David, I think it sounds terrific. But like Don, I would like to hear some spots that break out of the laid-back (but fast) "I don't care" genre. Show off your acting skills!
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Bailey
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Joined: 04 Jun 2005
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Location: Lake San Marcos... north of Connie, northwest of the Best.

PostPosted: Fri Oct 20, 2006 7:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very good demo David! Looks like a real keeper.
It brought tears to my eyes... because it wasn't mine.
Smile
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"Bailey"
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dhouston67
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Location: Right next door to Sandra Bullock. No, really.

PostPosted: Mon Oct 23, 2006 11:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Continued thanks. Here's yet another update for anyone interested.

DH-Commercial 10-24-06
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donrandall
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PostPosted: Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I like it - very much most excellent - Good stuff!
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