VO-BB - 19 YEARS OLD!

[Jon Morss]

I've been hearing such good things about posting Demos on this site that I decided it might be a good idea for me to get some real advice on how to improve my own Commercial demo. I am completely open to any and all feedback and I understand that there is no guarantee that anyone will actually listen to this. But, for those who do, I would like to thank you up front for taking the time to listen and comment on what I am trying to offer.

Please feel free to be upfront and honest.

So, here goes something;

http://home.comcast.net/~jrmorss/JonMorss_CommercialDemo.mp3


Thanks a bunch,

Jon

[Deirdre]

Dear Jon:

I like your very honest, believeable delivery. You sound like a man whose message I want to hear. You also have a very clear idea of how to put together a demo— however, yours went a bit long.

I heard 8 elements in a minute and nine seconds.

#1 C230. Very Nice Start!! very good sound right out of the gate.
#2 GMC Sierra. Another auto ad? eep. Nice "truck" sound, but too much push into your lower range. You ended up with a gravel drag on the ends of your cadence points that sounded forced.
#3 Sounded the same as #1 only with more drag into your cadences— as though you were trying for a Rod Serling sound. Dieter liked it best, but we both believed the "Let's" or "Let's get it done" was a bit too high pitched, and you need to steer clear of saying "get" as "git". At 15 seconds it is a bit pricey with your time.
#4 completely different sound— good idea! but "Toyota" was nearly impossible to understand. And it's too many car ads.
#5 Nice short snippet, but it took several passes to understand the client's name. Were you doing an accent?
#6 Retirement. I like it. Do watch out for saying "een" where "ing" is called for. I also heard "were" for "we're".
#7 Changing world? what is this? Chuckles within speech nearly always ring false.
#8 I heard "When you my a computer". Find a better ending for your demo— something that wraps it up.

Jon, you need to be careful of being too in love with your own voice. Don't push into the gritty end of your lower register, you don't need that— your natural, honest delivery is really quite fine. Your demo needs more range in subject matter and performance style. You've got great possibility! I'm eager to see what happens next.
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DBCooperVO.com

[Bill Campbell]

Wow. Jon, you just got a $100 lesson from Diedre.

I think you have a pleasant delivery. That's your sound.
You do suffer from "lazy" mouth, not fully ennunciating the words.
Be careful not to OVER ennunciate, but you do want complete the words.

Find some "guy next door" copy, Home depot type thing, and go for more variety in you spot selection.
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www.asapaudio.com

[Jon Morss]

Diedre,

Thanks a million for taking the time to listen to my demo and for providing such a detailed critique. I am certainly humbled by this.