VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 11:32 pm Post subject: New commercial demo

Added some new recent stuff.

Thoughts?

http://JeffreyKafer.com/commercials_mixdown.mp3
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Jeff
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bobsouer · Posted: Wed Jul 09, 2008 4:08 am Post subject:

Jeff,

Good stuff. A couple of thoughts for you:

1. The first 2 cuts seem like they're almost the same voice (pitch, tone, delivery) and I wonder if it would be beneficial to break them up a bit. Maybe take the third cut and put it in between the first two?

2. There's a place in the second half of the demo where things come to a complete halt because of the silence between cuts. Momentum would be better if you tighten that up, I think.
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Tom Test · DC Joined: 23 Jan 2007 Posts: 629 Location: Chicago, IL

Hi Jeff,
I had a very nice sideline producing demos myself in the mid-to-late 90’s. Several Chicago agents made me their first choice when their talent asked for recommendations for a demo producer. I’ve been out of that biz since I got married in 2000, so I’m a little rusty, so take what I say with a grain of salt…

I listened twice, wrote down some thoughts, listened a few more times, then wrote some more. Here’s what I got:

I like cut # 4 the best by far, and think that might be your most marketable sound. I would lead off with this one!

I like your read on the opening “movies and games” cut, but gosh that script is just so awkward (“previously rented movies and games” is a mouthful, and it’s said twice) that it’s annoying and distracting. Can you do this same sort of read with a different script (or revise this one)? (also, it’s too long)

Cut #2 – I think all you need is “this is the best gift ever.. “ until the end. What arcane model # the bike is, is irrelevant – it’s the emotion of your excitement that is interesting, and we get that over the last half of the copy. This moves things along and gives you more room to squeeze in another read (see below for a suggestion).

Cut #3 – it’s good to have a “real person” spot on your demo if you have the acting chops. Nice contrast to the piece preceding it.

Cut #5 – I would love to hear you re-record this one. I’d love to hear what you sound like with a more intimate read, something where you are very close to the mic, perhaps slowed down a bit. (I could send you a cut to demonstrate what I mean – PM me if you want). I want it to sound like you are talking to ME, and I’m standing right next to you.

Cut #6 – nice friendly read, I like the whimsical music, but thought the sfx at the end was distracting and unnecessary.

I hope this is helpful. I don’t usually take the time to do this sort of thing anymore, but you give so generously to vo-bb that you should get something back, dontcha think?
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Tom Test
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Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Thu Jul 10, 2008 10:51 pm Post subject:

Wow, Tom. That's superb feedback and I've incorporated about 90% of your suggestions. Thanks so much taking the effort, you definitely went above and beyond.

Bob, your suggestion were also covered by way of Tom's feedback. So many thanks to you as well.
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Jeff
http://JeffreyKafer.com
Voice-overload Web comic: http://voice-overload.com