VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

[Philip Banks]

Of course you can, you've said as much on your web site and other publicity material.

I for one am thrilled at this news because if you couldn't these jokes from Glasgow would be wasted on you.

A pregnant teenage girl phones her dad at midnight and says:
'Can you come and get me? I think ma water has broken'
'Okay,' says her dad. 'Where are you ringing from?
'Fae my knickers tae ma feet. '


A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair.
'Comfy?'asks the dentist.
'Govan,' she replies.


What did the male Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography
..?
Oor Wullie.

A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?'
'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter'
'That's affa dear,' says the guy.
'Aye yer right!' replies the bloke

Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement?
He's awa' noo.

After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt.
'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate.
'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,'


Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?
Coo eight.

Three wee jobbies sitting on the pavement.
Which one's a Musketeer?
The dark tan yin.


A Scotsman in London is having trouble phoning
his sister from a telephone box. So he
calls the operator who asks in a plummy voice:
'Is there money in the box?
'Naw, it's just me,' he replies.


While getting ready to go out, a wee wifie says to her husband:
'Do you think I'm getting a wee bit pigeon chested?'
And he says: 'Aye, but that's why I love you like a doo.'


What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy?
Hawkeye The Noo.


What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays?

A skean dhu.


How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just Juan.


'What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer?

The Rolling Stones say: 'Hey you, get off of my cloud.'

And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe.


'What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect?

A wee fly b*****d.

Did you hear about the BBC Scotland series that features the queue for the toilets at Waverley Station?
It's called The Aw' Needin' Line.

Why was the Chinese restaurant so bad?
Because the chef was Lou Ping.

While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked:
'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?' 'I'd put him off at
the next stop,' he says. 'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't
get the fare?' 'I'd take the first two weeks in August,' he replies.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - 'Aye right.'

A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car!
'What's up Jimmy?' he asks.
'Piston broke,' he replies.
'Aye, same as masel...

[Deirdre]

I can do all three British accents.
_________________
DBCooperVO.com
IMDB

[Gp]

lol

[Lee Gordon]

I got at least half of them so I'm well & truly chuffed.
_________________
Lee Gordon, O.A.V.
Voice President of the United States
www.leegordonproductions.com
Twitter: @LeeGordonVoice

[Audiogal]

Since I've never claimed ability with said accents, I was prepared to have all the jokes fly right over my head. Imagine my delight when that didn't happen! <giggle>
_________________
Mary

[Philip Banks]

[ccpetersen]

Isn't that last one called Fraffly?



I got about 2/3 of them and so I'm feeling chuffed, too...

(oor wullie, indeed!!)


_________________
Charter Member: Threadjackers Local 420

[davidmonteath]

All I can do is shake my head Scottishly and say, Och!!!!
_________________
www.davidmonteath.com

Sponsor of Voice APpreciation Indulgence Day 2010

Proud member of Self Appointed Voice-Over Experts Discussion Group - overenthusiastic pontification a speciality.

[voicy1stef]

Ha, ha ...Piston broke....

meh oaye neer see dedeh!


_________________
Intuit and do it!

British-American voice artist based in England for the past umpteen years. I say, has it really been that long!

http://www.stefsvoice4u.co.uk
Podcast: Positive Affirmations and Audio Stories, on iTunes, Spotify etc.