VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

Frank F · Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:06 pm Post subject: HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great Christmas season

Toodles

F2
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Deirdre · Posted: Fri Dec 05, 2008 10:48 pm Post subject:

Philip Banks · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 2:48 am Post subject:

Spellchecker - Whisky, single malt.

Jeffrey Kafer · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 3:06 am Post subject:

But what if they serve carrots... with gravy??
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Steve Royal · Guest

Frank F · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 4:12 am Post subject:

Suck it up folks, that is what gravy is for... or as my Father used to call it: "it's sopping". he was an Okie from (near) Muskogee.

Toodles

F2
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ccpetersen · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 7:53 am Post subject:

What about if it's carrot gravy?

Carrot cake okay?

... chocolate in one hand, single malt in the other, and an open bag of Cape Cod chips or cheetos (or both) on your lap.
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Deirdre · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 8:16 am Post subject:

"Spell check" he sez.

Pah, You English people are the ones who usually add extra letters.
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Chuck Davis · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 10:34 am Post subject:

ccpetersen · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 4:29 pm Post subject:

I didn't say that part about the gravy on all of it but the whisky/whiskey... but in general, I agree -- gravy on whiskey/whisky is just beyond the pale.
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Craig · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 5:00 pm Post subject:

Deebs are you a whisky/chocolate fan too?

Maker's Mark and Toblerone milk...hmmmmmm.
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melissa eX · Posted: Sat Dec 06, 2008 9:36 pm Post subject:

Lindt 70% dark

Chrissy · Guest

OMG, I can feel myself expanding just reading this topic. I just thought of something disgusting---chocolate gravy--yuck.

Doc · Guest

I do believe whisky/whiskey are two completely different things. But, what do I know?

Single malt here in the states refers to Scotch Whisky (which, by the way, is my embibement of choice).

Wink

Kasbah · Posted: Mon Dec 08, 2008 11:10 am Post subject:

I thought we had to stick around long enough to become a burden on our children? That is why I'm a yoga instructor too. I plan to live forever. Plus...here is my Christmas eating tip. You can eat anything you want...but remember there is a .5 mile run/walk associated with everything. Maybe this is my Military life speaking...Yeah it is! Ok! What Frank said. Slid in sideways.
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