VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

[Deirdre]

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith.
He's drillin holes in his farwood & hiding marijuana inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Virgil & leave. The phone rings at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
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DBCooperVO.com
IMDB

[Christopher French]

Two good ol' Southern boys decide to join the Air Force.
The recruiter brings them in and asks them what they do for a living now.
The first one says, "I'm a pilot."
The recruiter says, "Great! We'll be able to get you in right away. And what do you do?"
The second one replies, "I'm a splitter."
The recruiter looks at the young man with a confused look, "What's a splitter?"
"Well," says the young man, "see, I split da logs and him, he takes em over to da pile ta pilot."
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Christopher G. French

"The only limitations we truly have are the ones we place on ourselves." -Attributed to Donald Trump