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Depthpersuasion
Contributor IV
Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 127
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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 Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:22 pm Post subject: Commerical Demo (Critique Requested ) |
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If you will follow the link and listen to a Sample Ive made of the Commercial Demo Im working on, very appreciated. Always enjoy the your professional honest critique. Many Thanks.
Voice123.com/danielpierce
(United Nation's Children's Fund)
Cheers,
Daniel Pierce
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Richard D. Hall
http://RichardDHallVoiceActor.com
Last edited by Depthpersuasion on Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:22 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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DaveChristi
King's Row
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 1033
Location: Bend, OR
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| Posted: Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:59 pm Post subject: |
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Daniel,
You've got a nice voice, but I hear you forcing the read a bit. It doesn't seem natural for you.
Just let your voice happen.
I'd really like to hear a more conversational read from you. You started out that way in the Fast Food ad and then fell back into "announcer mode".
My 2¢.
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Dave "Christi" Felton
The Character Voice Actor |
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Mike Sommer
A Hundred Dozen
Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 1222
Location: Boss Angeles
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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I didn't believe a word you said. There's no direction no conversation no emotion, just a lot of phooey. Despite its name, Voice Acting is not about the voice it's about the story.
I noted you've listed as your coaching: Marc Graue (last time I check Marc does not offer coaching); Marc Cashman (Marc would never let you read a spot like that... never ever); Pat Fraley (Pat... well there's no telling what he would do - Gawd I love Pat).
I also noted you list as voices you can perform as: • Child • Young Adult Male • Middle Age Male • Senior Male, yet no offerings of your talent.
I really think you need to get some real training. Start with Cashman, he'll mould you and get you to where you need to be. Nancy Wolfson is in SM and would be another fine choice.
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Acoustics are counter-intuitive. If one thing is certain about acoustics, it is that if anything seems obvious it is probably wrong. |
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Jeffrey Kafer
Assistant Zookeeper
Joined: 09 Dec 2006
Posts: 4931
Location: Location, Location!
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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Mike, easy on the venom.
However, Daniel, we've heard this voice of yours before and I believe the overwhelming opinion was that you're trying too hard to be a voice that you don't possess naturally.
I'd love to hear you voice this spot as you, not who you wish you were.
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Jeff
http://JeffreyKafer.com
Voice-overload Web comic: http://voice-overload.com |
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Depthpersuasion
Contributor IV
Joined: 23 Feb 2008
Posts: 127
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:14 pm Post subject: Thanks |
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Thanks, Jeff. As I was completely relaxed on this take, and I really can't express how I feel it really is my voice, I would agree however that it may be "Voice Overly". I did have Dennis Haysburt working away in my conscience while working on it.
I'll do another take that's more Conversational.
Many Thanks,
DP
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Richard D. Hall
http://RichardDHallVoiceActor.com |
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Jeffrey Kafer
Assistant Zookeeper
Joined: 09 Dec 2006
Posts: 4931
Location: Location, Location!
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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just talk to us. I don't imagine that's the voice you use to talk to your friends. Find that voice and use it as a base.
Just talk to us. Don't talk at us.
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Jeff
http://JeffreyKafer.com
Voice-overload Web comic: http://voice-overload.com |
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JBarrett
M&M
Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 2043
Location: Las Vegas, NV
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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Daniel,
With time, you may discover that what you feel is a relaxed read now isn't truly relaxed. I've been through that transition myself. When listening to reads from a couple years ago that I thought were relaxed, conversational reads, I often think, "Man...how could I have missed that?"
If you're willing to try an experiment, record yourself telling a personal story -- something like your most embarrassing moment, or a story about your best friend from high school -- and listen to that recording back-to-back with the raw voice track from this piece. The personal story will be more likely to sound very natural and relaxed, and hopefully you can hear the difference between that sound and the sound from this piece. The trick is to get into that natural state when reading copy off a page.
Keep at it, man! All the best to you!
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Justin S. Barrett
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Mike Sommer
A Hundred Dozen
Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 1222
Location: Boss Angeles
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| Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2009 11:51 pm Post subject: |
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| JeffreyKafer wrote: | | Mike, easy on the venom. |
No venom here. I just giving honest opinions. As Marc Davis told me when I asked him to review my portfolio, he said, "Do you want to feel good, or do you want the truth?"
As bitter as the truth may be sometimes, we'll at least know where our weakness are, and can thusly improve them.
~~~~~~~
One of the things I don't hear is the music in your voice, no ebb or flow, your delivery is measured. But we don't have a beat when we speak, we just kind of roll in like waves on the beach.
I don't normally do this, but try this script. It's totally agents your style, and might prove worthwhile to see if you can make it come to life.
This was for a Disney presentation video, and was done to picture. So your goal is to read each section in the given times, BUT it has to have the Disney Sparkle, the Disney Magic, a-la Mark Elliot. Big smile, No brooding ominous reads now. Have fun.
:18
In Tomorrowland at Disneyland Park,
do battle with the forces of the evil Emperor Zurg,
in the all new “Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters” - inspired by
a Walt Disney Pictures presentation of a Pixar Animation Studios film, “Toy Story 2.”
Who knows, you might just save the universe!
:13.5
The much awaited return of the CLASIC, Space Mountain
makes it’s triumphant reopening in Tomorrowland. Newly designed as one of
the most exciting, cutting-edge adventures in the galaxy, Space Mountain
will hurtle you through the cosmoses with all new twist and turns. You’re in
for the intergalactic ride of your life!
:25
And to completely immerse yourself into the history and lore of Disneyland,
head down Main Street USA to the Opera House theater
for the wonderful “Disneyland: the First 50 Magical Years.”
Five decades of attractions, shows, parades and entertainment
are relived with Walt Disney as your guide.
Remember, happy, Big smile.
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The Blog:
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Acoustics are counter-intuitive. If one thing is certain about acoustics, it is that if anything seems obvious it is probably wrong. |
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Jeffrey Kafer
Assistant Zookeeper
Joined: 09 Dec 2006
Posts: 4931
Location: Location, Location!
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Mike Sommer
A Hundred Dozen
Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 1222
Location: Boss Angeles
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| Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 4:12 pm Post subject: |
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Good job Jeffy, you get a gold star by your name. 
1st line: "I'm" for "I"
6th line: That should be "against" not "agents." (I'll blame auto spell-check for that)
Anything else?
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The Blog:
http://voiceoveraudio.blogspot.com/
Acoustics are counter-intuitive. If one thing is certain about acoustics, it is that if anything seems obvious it is probably wrong. |
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Deirdre
Czarina Emeritus
Joined: 10 Nov 2004
Posts: 13023
Location: Camp Cooper
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| Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2009 10:10 pm Post subject: |
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All right, gents— keep it on the straight and narrow.
Thank you for your feedback.
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DBCooperVO.com
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