VO-BB - 20 YEARS OLD!

Philip Banks · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 4:12 am Post subject: "The Wolfson Method" not TM

Everything you need to know about being a Voiceoverist

1 - Stand like you have yet to notice someone has stolen your scooter.
2 - Scrawl hieroglyphics on scripts and pretend they mean something
3 - Be flexible, be a BRAND ..In other words be a Rubber Brand.
4 - Become mentally fluent in Anglo Saxon.
5 - To relax lie down, to perk up imagine you're not alone down there.
6 - Sophistication is a mood not a fragrance by Yardley.
7 - Most male VOs want voices like caverns. They're dark, deep and empty. Nobody is gonna pay for that.
8 - Your delivery should be like a car journey that doesn't end in brake failure.
9 - Education is a wonderful thing, try it!
10 - If you ever meet a British male VO, insert a Pineapple!

todd ellis · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:01 am Post subject:

i'm going to try #5 right now.

#10 seems like it might sting just a little.
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Diane Maggipinto · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 6:28 am Post subject:

yes, and where re: numero diez ? as well, should it be organic?
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kkuhlken · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:03 am Post subject:

#7 describes my head, is that ok?
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Bish · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:30 am Post subject:

I was really quite concerned about #10 until I worked out the subtle linguistic ambiguity. Considering your audience here (95% fine, upstanding US citizens) it was obviously an instruction to them relating to the self-administration of the tropical delight when encountering a British male VO.
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Lee Gordon · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:02 am Post subject:

I love the way Philip doles out the free advice.

(See what I did there?)
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Bailey · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:20 am Post subject:

Couldn't the "pineapple insertion" be used for all of the above?
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Philip Banks · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:25 am Post subject:

ONLY with an anti-British glare!

jsgilbert · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 10:13 am Post subject:

Might I also suggest for #10, an assortment of exotic fruits, including but perhaps not limited to Mangos, Papayas, Kiwis (not the people from New Zealand or their birds), Jack fruit, or perhaps even a nice star fruit.

And when in Durban don't forget the lovely pies at Angel's Curry.
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Mike Harrison · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 11:02 am Post subject:

Rob Ellis · M&M Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 2385 Location: Detroit

Yonie · CM Joined: 31 Aug 2011 Posts: 906

J.S. if you leave out pomegranates and passion fruit, we have no deal.

jsgilbert · Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2013 11:54 am Post subject:

Even the SAG/ AFTRA contracts don't have pomegranate or passion fruit clauses yet. I thought the star fruit was a major concession.
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Yonie · CM Joined: 31 Aug 2011 Posts: 906

I'm contacting the union right now!

Philip Banks · Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 3:19 am Post subject:

Ms Wolfson has now registered the list above as her own intellectual property AND bought a pineapple and bus ticket to Portgordon.