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DaveChristi
King's Row
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 1033
Location: Bend, OR
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 Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 11:55 am Post subject: [Vent] When agencies SHOULDN'T write radio copy. |
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Note: I realize that this BB is not about writing (sorry Czar), but I had to vent to those who READ bad copy every day.
So, someone knows how to do print layout, and they’ve quit working for the newspaper to start their own “fakency” (fake-agency). This does NOT suddenly make them an expert on writing copy for radio or TV.
A local fakency came up with a lovely print concept for a Harley-Davidson Dealer that recently changed hands and was under new ownership. They were “Shifting Gears”. Changing. Now I’m not saying that it’s an ADDY winner, and I’d change the female voice given more time, but here’s my concept:
Shifting Gears Equals Change
The fakency didn’t want to focus on the past (fair enough), but this was copy that they sent back to REPLACE what I had written.
| Quote: | | Shifting Gears Equals Freedom. At Cascade Harley Davidson, we believe it's time for you to shift into the life of the free and the brave, with the wind in your face and the stresses of the daily grind in your rear view mirror. We believe you should be treated like a very important person, because you deserve freedom. Cascade Harley-Davidson announces our special VIP incentive for the month of January. Roll in an get the Harley-Davidson bikes, accessories and clothing you've always wanted with this special one-time VIP deal: 25% off your entire purchase of H-D parts or accessories. Offer good 1/7-1/31/07. Listen, watch your mail and stop by the shop to find out about other VIP specials to come. Now is the time to shift into freedom; with VIP incentives like this, the life you've been dreaming about is yours for the taking! Cascade Harley-Davidson: Grab life by the handlebars! |
Cliché-driven, overly verbose, and “Grab life by the handlebars” is a blatant rip-off of Dodge’s “Grab life by the horns”.
AAAAaaaaaa! OK... I'm done.
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Dave "Christi" Felton
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todd ellis
A Zillion
Joined: 02 Jan 2007
Posts: 10531
Location: little egypt
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:04 pm Post subject: |
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They forgot to refer to it as an "Event". Also: Prices too low to advertise! - We’re overstocked - Best In Class and For a limited time only.
See if you can work those in.
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Deirdre
Czarina Emeritus
Joined: 10 Nov 2004
Posts: 13023
Location: Camp Cooper
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:19 pm Post subject: |
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Don't forget their friendly, knowledgable staff and plenty of free parking.
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DaveChristi
King's Row
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 1033
Location: Bend, OR
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:21 pm Post subject: |
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"Open 7-days-a-week, Monday through Friday!"
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Dave "Christi" Felton
The Character Voice Actor |
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TheVoiceOfBob
14th Avenue
Joined: 05 Oct 2006
Posts: 1411
Location: Pittsburgher in the Carolinas
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:54 pm Post subject: |
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Free bushel of watercress with every purchase.
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bobsouer
Frequent Flyer
Joined: 15 Jul 2006
Posts: 9883
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:56 pm Post subject: |
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Something else missing is the street address. Gotta have the street address. 
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Bob Souer (just think of lemons)
The second nicest guy in voiceover.
+1-724-613-2749
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DaveChristi
King's Row
Joined: 03 Aug 2006
Posts: 1033
Location: Bend, OR
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 1:10 pm Post subject: |
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"Just mention you heard this ad".
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Dave "Christi" Felton
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todd ellis
A Zillion
Joined: 02 Jan 2007
Posts: 10531
Location: little egypt
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:20 pm Post subject: |
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But wait ... thats not all ...
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Deirdre
Czarina Emeritus
Joined: 10 Nov 2004
Posts: 13023
Location: Camp Cooper
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:41 pm Post subject: |
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Plus-- free gifts!
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Jeffrey Kafer
Assistant Zookeeper
Joined: 09 Dec 2006
Posts: 4931
Location: Location, Location!
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 3:00 pm Post subject: |
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| DaveChristi wrote: | | "Open 7-days-a-week, Monday through Friday!" |
My favorite: "Open 7 days a week including Sunday!" Just in case you were counting Saturday twice or something.
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http://JeffreyKafer.com
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Mushmelon
Been Here Awhile
Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 237
Location: NY
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 5:32 pm Post subject: |
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...for ALL your motorcycle needs.
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Tony Impieri
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VO-Guy
Guest
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 6:10 pm Post subject: |
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They also forgot to list the phone number at least 3 times....
234-4567 that's 234-4567, call today 234-4567! 
Russ |
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Tom Greenlee
DC
Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 686
Location: Divide, Colorado (above the clouds)
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 6:24 pm Post subject: |
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My favorite has always been "New and Improved!". Which is it? New or improved? If it's new it hasn't been around before....if it's improved it's made better than what it was....it can't be both.
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"Communication without intelligence is noise; Intelligence without communication is irrelevant."
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Jeffers
Guest
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:25 pm Post subject: |
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...and FREE streamers for your handlebars, in Harley colors of course, with every purchase!
Jeff S. |
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Deirdre
Czarina Emeritus
Joined: 10 Nov 2004
Posts: 13023
Location: Camp Cooper
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| Posted: Fri Jan 12, 2007 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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Free balloons, and face painting for the kids!
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