View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi

Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11075 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
The gauntlet is cast so on behalf of VO-BB123 here is my demo ........oops, sorry, my audition and a bid of $8.99 to get the job
http://thecorporatevoice.com/bas.mp3 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Dave Lucky 700

Joined: 11 Nov 2004 Posts: 727 Location: Houston, Texas
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:35 am Post subject: |
|
|
Is it clever? Yes
Would I notice it? Yes again
Would I smile at it? No
Would I remember it? Yes (but not for the right reason)
Would I call him to come to my home...NO!
No matter how amusing it might be I would be concerned for him to be around my family while I was at work.
Dave (aka prude2) _________________ . If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you. |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
kgenus Seriously Devoted

Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 889 Location: Greater NYC Area
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Banksey wrote: | The gauntlet is cast so on behalf of VO-BB123 here is my demo ........oops, sorry, my audition and a bid of $8.99 to get the job
http://thecorporatevoice.com/bas.mp3 |
Monday, December 05, 2005 [GMT -5]
Banksey Auditions publicly _________________ Genus |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Tim McLaughlin Contributor

Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 40 Location: Denver, CO
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 12:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Here's my $0.02: It's a clever idea. Will it offend some? Probably, some people take offense at the least little thing.
The thing that stands out for me is that it really isn't "selling" and that's what advertising is supposed to do. I think you need a reason to get people to pick up the phone and call. The client may get people talking about the ad, but my guess is that he wants them to do more than talk. Think about all the Super Bowl ads that create a buzz, but don't bring in the revenue. _________________ Tim McLaughlin
Voiceovers by Tim McLaughlin
(303) 915-9317 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi

Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11075 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 1:44 pm Post subject: Re: New twisted radio script for client? Your opinions plea |
|
|
SheSpeaksCopy wrote: | Give BAS Home Services a call at 540-849-8292 and schedule your complimentary home comfort evaluation today. Your home’s bad behavior problems can be corrected in time for your Holiday entertaining.
BAS Home Services “Your home repair problems are no problem for us.”
Call BAS Home Services at 540-849-8292 or visit us online at www.BAShomeservices.com
|
Definite "call to action" with a reason to call. Pre-close, conditional close and close. I'd say that constitutes a sell.
I see people have noticed when the big bucks are around I will audition. |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Charlie Channel Club 300
Joined: 08 Feb 2005 Posts: 356 Location: East Palo Alto, CA
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 3:56 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Banksey wrote: | The gauntlet is cast so on behalf of VO-BB123 here is my demo ........oops, sorry, my audition and a bid of $8.99 to get the job
|
It's cool and funny!
Post lunch production, 1 tequila down.
I'll see your $9 and raise it $20!
Suggest you drop the "www" as most browsers and domain servers will pull up the right site without it.
http://home.comcast.net/~channel33/CharlieChannel_BHS.mp3 _________________ Charlie |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Tim McLaughlin Contributor

Joined: 25 May 2005 Posts: 40 Location: Denver, CO
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:02 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Banksey wrote: | Definite "call to action" with a reason to call. Pre-close, conditional close and close. I'd say that constitutes a sell. |
Seems like a weak call to action. Why not something like "call by December 31st to get 20 percent off your home repair project."
I understand that this is not the copywriter's decision, but something the client has to come up with. Too many advertisers think all they need to do is run some spots and people will be breaking down the door. Then when it doesn't happen they blame the copywriter, the talent, the radio station. When I'm asked to write copy I try to consult with the client and get them to understand that they've got to provide some incentive to the people they're trying to reach. Institutional advertising is, in my opinion, a waste of money. While this spot isn't institutional, it borders on it especially with the client trying to "create a buzz" and a weak call to action. If he's got plenty of money to throw around, great. My guess, though, is that he's looking to actually make some sales. A stronger call to action would increase the possibility that he'll get a better ROI.
Of course I could be all wrong and just need to crawl back into the booth and wait for my cue.  _________________ Tim McLaughlin
Voiceovers by Tim McLaughlin
(303) 915-9317 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi

Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11075 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 4:18 pm Post subject: |
|
|
It's said that if in Ireland you stop a local and ask for directions the initial response will be.
"Well, I wouldn't start from here".
Client "How do I advertise my business?"
What could the writer say, while holding up copy? I think the Irish response hits the nail on the head. |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Deirdre Czarina Emeritus

Joined: 10 Nov 2004 Posts: 13023 Location: Camp Cooper
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:37 pm Post subject: |
|
|
All right-- all RIGHT!!
Here's Mine. _________________ DBCooperVO.com
IMDB |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
mcm Smart Kitteh

Joined: 10 Dec 2004 Posts: 2600 Location: w. MA, USA
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 7:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Deirdre wrote: | All right-- all RIGHT!!
Here's Mine. |
There you have it - you need Miss Manners!
Kudos DB!!!! |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
brianforrester Backstage Pass

Joined: 30 Jul 2005 Posts: 492 Location: Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Deirdre wrote: |
This one goes beyond my tolerance immediately .... I wouldn't do it-- |
Hey Deebs.... are you just trying to prove to all of us that you're not really a "sissy" ? Cause none of us believed it for a second... at least none of us that have felt the wrath of an angry Board Mistress, after having made some sort of innapropriate comment or 2 or 3 or 4 or .....
Hey... ya fixed the snow flakes.... Yeah!!!! I like this skin!
Thanks DB!!! _________________ Brian Forrester Voice Overs
www.brianforrester.com
brian@brianforrester.com
778.668.5715 |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi

Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11075 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
|
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2005 11:52 pm Post subject: |
|
|
If we all get removed from Anita's Christmas card list we have no others to blame but ourselves.
Charlie's needed the spitoon sound effect at the end whereas Deidre's ageing Kindergarten Vice-Principal had that certain something. |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Deirdre Czarina Emeritus

Joined: 10 Nov 2004 Posts: 13023 Location: Camp Cooper
|
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:31 am Post subject: |
|
|
I just think it's grand that Anita offered up this spot for discussion.
I would hire her to help me work on creating commercials because it's clear from this sample that she's got a good inner clock and a grip on word flow.
and in re prudery: My off-air behavior can be quite wild, but the stuff I put on the airwaves is nearly always going to be "Rated E for Everyone". The way I talk in real life is a far cry from the kind of thing I would ever say on the radio and I am quite picky about the sponsors I ally myself with.
auggh. preposition at the end of a sentence.
Oh, well. _________________ DBCooperVO.com
IMDB |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Philip Banks Je Ne Sais Quoi

Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 11075 Location: Portgordon, Scotland
|
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:53 am Post subject: |
|
|
Tsk, where did that come from? On some script it's a bang clients want to go out with. Fast piece to time or one with comedy that is allowed to breath, someone has to decide which. |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
Deirdre Czarina Emeritus

Joined: 10 Nov 2004 Posts: 13023 Location: Camp Cooper
|
Posted: Tue Dec 06, 2005 5:50 am Post subject: |
|
|
Banksey wrote: | Tsk, where did that come from? |
Anita offered a look at her script for feedback, not to be used as a pinata. I want it to be clear that we're having fun with each other, and not at Anita's expense.
I have to read reams of shit every day, Phil. As I have always said and will continue to say: most "writers" are trying to pack 40 seconds of dreck into a 30-second sack. Some of the stuff is written in prose that would choke a hippo. I am relieved and delighted when I get scripts that are actually fluent.
This spot was easy to read. Anita doesn't need me to throw her a bone, I merely want to give credit where credit is due. _________________ DBCooperVO.com
IMDB |
|
Back to top |
|
 |
|