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Script Workout!
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Mike Sommer
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 1222
Location: Boss Angeles

PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 12:42 pm    Post subject: Script Workout! Reply with quote

I always enjoy the opportunity to work on challenging scripts, this promotes
growth and imagination. As we know when one auditions, there is little if any
feedback of ones performance. Here I'd like to offer the opportunity for
everyone to perform and discuss each others performance honestly with malice towards none.

Here is a fun little script, that I've seen more then a few fall flat on.
(Though the copy calls for a male, of course the lovely ladies are welcome to join in the fun).
Though I don't have a box of chocolets to offer, the unmitigated satisfation of knowing you got it in under 60:,
and hit all the copy points, and the admiration of your fellow Voice Actors should be rewarding enough.


Deadline: Wednesday

Client: Pacific Bell
Product: Call Management
Job Title: “Cell Phone”
Descript: :60
We are looking for a male announcer, 35-45 years old to deliver a conversational read. He is down-to-earth, familiar and casual.
Maybe even a tad ironic. He is NOT an authority. He is not telling information the listener could not figure out for him or
herself. “Entrepreneur NOT Board member”

If talent needs direction you can offer up John Corbett’s conversational attitude when he is playing his disk jockey
character on Northern Exposure. We don’t want him sounding that hippy, but we do like his Approachability and tone.



Okay hands up everyone, whose first conversation on their new cell phone was
“Hi honey, guess where I’m calling from?” Then everyone had one and it wasn’t
new anymore. It wasn’t a way to stay ahead of the competition; it was
a way to keep up. Which brings me rather neatly to Pacific Bell Call
Management. Call Management is another innovation you’re about to
become much more familiar with; It’s Pacific Bell Information Service’s
name for a powerful new technology that practically reinvents the way
we use the phone.

It’s literally hundreds of ways your business can become more effective
and make your clients happier too:From making sure no-one who calls you
ever goes on hold, to giving you and your customers automatic access to
data that’s anywhere on your network, from anywhere in the world.
And because Pacific Bell designs Call Management individually for every
business it works for, you won’t get stuck with technology you’ve outgrown.
Probably quite a relief, when you remember what your first car phone looked like.
Call your Pacific Bell account executive, or 1-800-570-8500.
They’re ready to tell you lots more about what Call Management can do for your business.


Good luck
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The Blog:
http://voiceoveraudio.blogspot.com/

Acoustics are counter-intuitive. If one thing is certain about acoustics, it is that if anything seems obvious it is probably wrong.


Last edited by Mike Sommer on Sat May 17, 2008 3:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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louzucaro
The Gates of Troy


Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 1915
Location: Chicago area

PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, I'll bite Smile

Clickity-Lou
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Lou Zucaro
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"Well, yeah, there's my favorite leaf!"
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tackerman
The Gates of Troy


Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Posts: 1741
Location: in the ether

PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 2:41 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I haven't played for a while. Trying out my new chain... sounds ok in editing buy playback in WMP sounds hot. LINK
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robert jadah
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PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 3:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Great fun!
(And I needed a bit of a lark after two weeks of slogging through the entire New Testament.)

If I hurry, I can even run a solid third place for a while.
http://www.hemmingfordbaseball.com/bbChallenge_jadah.mp3
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ricevoice
Cinquecento


Joined: 28 Dec 2007
Posts: 532
Location: Sacramento, CA

PostPosted: Fri May 16, 2008 3:42 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Excellent idea, Mike... I, for one, need all the practice I can get!

Link-a-roo-ski
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Don G.
King's Row


Joined: 11 Nov 2004
Posts: 1071
Location: MA

PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 7:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's another for the collection. (Would have been much better as a :70 Smile )
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Mike Sommer
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 1222
Location: Boss Angeles

PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 4:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks guys, Hey Where are the gals??

Good job guys. Good reads all; you got the words off the page and on time, now it's just a mater of bring the charters to life, the character needs to be flashed out a little more. Remember when auditioning there could be as few as 300 people bidding for the part, you need to make your self stand out in the crowd. You do that by, "not being afraid to be lousy!"

Some of you got the playfulness of the character, but I wouldn't be afraid to make something like this my own.

This may not seem like a tough script, but what this script dose is break the first rule in advertising with it's opening line. "It talks to more then one person." And that's the trick, because you first speak to a group, then you turn your attention to "honey" on the phone, then back another person.
To make this an effective commercial you need to focus on One and Only One person, even when speaking to a group you "zero" in one person in that group. Then pick a person you know that owns a small business, and let's say his or hers cell phone communications are all messed up, and they come to you seeking your wisdom on the matter and you just happen to have the solution.

Next you are selling a "cold" commodity, you need to warm it up; make it approachable, friendly and interesting. Banks and health services are another set of lifeless cold commodities, when you hear such commercials everyone cares about you, "are you comfortable," "can we get you more free checks," "our staff provides gentle soothing relief of your suffering" in our cold Ivory towers of health and fiance.

Lastly don't just read the words, articulate your characters thoughts (remember we can't see you). Be a little more conversational inject vocal pauses such as "uh" and "um" and "well" anything to lend us to believe that the character our playing is alive and thinking. And play with your upward and downward inflection, but don't change the meaning of the of the message.


Last edited by Mike Sommer on Sun May 18, 2008 7:18 pm; edited 1 time in total
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robert jadah
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PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 7:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ah...where to begin? Oh yeah, with the nice stuff.
I liked your second take, Mike, and really enjoy this kind of brainstorming.

But...
Firstly, I hope that few of us have the time to invest in rooting too deeply into the psychology of a fun-time - and even non-chocolated - audition. In fact, I don't even participate any longer in the PTP sites (oops; Scrip for Scraps sites, that is), because it's simply pointless to spend any more than seven minutes on an audition that will likely disappear into the ether. For the purposes of this exercise, I only tried to sound less than breathless in :60.
Secondly, any time an advertiser seeks to cram this much junk into one minute, a prime objective should be to make the message sound relaxed and easy-going, even though it's not.
You may seek to project to as many singulars or crowds as you wish, or warm cold commodities to lava-like temperatures; if you sound rushed, it becomes stressful to the ear. The listener shuts off long before your audience play enters into the equation.
Thirdly, there was no time for any easy-going "uhs" or "ahs", or vocal pauses of note. The copywriter in me would have easily squelched the incongruous "probably a relief.....first car phone" phrase to make time for some everydayness. I note that you didn't manage to squeeze in any casual interjections either.

Good stuff. I'd love to hear the other 296.(Or some of them, anyway.)
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louzucaro
The Gates of Troy


Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 1915
Location: Chicago area

PostPosted: Sat May 17, 2008 8:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah, I have to say Mike, I'm having a bit of a hard time reconciling your comments with your reads.

As Robert said, not really much time for playing around with this much copy in a :60, either.
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Lou Zucaro
http://www.voicehero.com

"Well, yeah, there's my favorite leaf!"
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Diane Maggipinto
Spreading Snark Worldwide


Joined: 03 Mar 2006
Posts: 6679
Location: saul lay seetee youtee

PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2008 6:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Though the copy calls for a male, of course the lovely ladies are welcome to join in the fun


later that same thread ...
Quote:
Thanks guys, Hey Where are the gals??



perhaps we're not lovely enough?
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www.d3voiceworks.com


Last edited by Diane Maggipinto on Sun May 18, 2008 7:09 am; edited 1 time in total
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louzucaro
The Gates of Troy


Joined: 13 Jul 2006
Posts: 1915
Location: Chicago area

PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2008 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Pshaw, I say!
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Lou Zucaro
http://www.voicehero.com

"Well, yeah, there's my favorite leaf!"
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Don G.
King's Row


Joined: 11 Nov 2004
Posts: 1071
Location: MA

PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2008 7:09 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Robert. I'd have loved to have the time for "ums" and "uhs". As I said, it might have made a great :70. Copywriters want personality and conversational feel, but then say "I've already trimmed as much of the copy as I can. In fact, the client want to add______."
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Mike Cain
Contributor III


Joined: 11 Nov 2004
Posts: 95
Location: New York

PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2008 7:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Mike here is my vocal submission:
http://www.supload.com/listen?s=5VDF1CNBDWY7
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todd ellis
A Zillion


Joined: 02 Jan 2007
Posts: 10512
Location: little egypt

PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2008 7:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

too much copy ... whew.

mike, i am astounded by your vast knowledge! really amazed ... kudos! i'm interested in your background ... what path has your voiceover journey taken you down so far? technical training? places i might have heard you had i been paying attention, and so forth ... i tried to find you on the interwebs but had very little success.
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Mike Sommer
A Hundred Dozen


Joined: 05 May 2008
Posts: 1222
Location: Boss Angeles

PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2008 1:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Firstly,.... it's simply pointless to spend any more than seven minutes on an audition that will likely disappear into the ether. For the purposes of this exercise, I only tried to sound less than breathless in :60.
It can be exceedingly disheartening when one pours there energies into a project that often bears no fruit, but that's the name of the game, and so it goes. But calling it "pointless" is almost a defeatist frame of mind. What this exercise is all about is getting your feet under you, so that when you do get a script like this you can crank it out in 10 minutes, while pouring as much character energy into it without tearing you down. This takes a lot of work, but it's worth it when you can breeze into an audition and not break a sweet.
This copy will suck the breath out of you, that's the idea, and that's where breath control comes into play. So when I get a scrip like this I lay out my game plan by: interpreting the clients objective, understand the ebb and flow, mark the copy and read it aloud in full voice until I get what I think the client wants, then what I want out of the story. This scritp (despite what the agencies provided instructions indicate) is "almost" a frantic read, this character needs to sound like he knows what he is talking about. This character knows his stuff and is a bit of a smart-ass/tongue in cheek kind of person. This copy has a lot of useless information in it, but we can't ignore it because it is the entertainment portion of the program.

Quote:
Secondly, any time an advertiser seeks to cram this much junk into one minute, a prime objective should be to make the message sound relaxed and easy-going, even though it's not.
This is not a Mrs. Butterworths commercial, this is a cell phone commercial geared toward males 30 to 50 (the big money demographic or the human wallets). Yeah there is a lot's of crap piled very high in this script, when I saw this a copy for the first time and counted the lines, I said to the director (who I knew very well) you're kidding right? But it's not our job to dictate what the company wants, it's our job to try to deliver to them there vision, Often we can deliver a better interpretation or offer something they never though of, and that's the trick of getting the job; looking at it from all sides a delivering the best read you can to a pile of crap.
As for making the message sound relaxed, I would have to say that is incorrect, we're not telling bedtime stories, we are "competing" (in this case) on the radio and selling a product. Radio is a secondary activity, i.e. the radio is on while we are doing something else; Driving, working, getting ready for work or whatever. Generally we do not sit in front of the radio, starring at it like the Walton's, those days are long gone. So the intention of the commercial is to make it as entertaining as possible, before they switch the dial.
But as you stated you tried to make the copy what its not, the script told you and I would venture to guess everyone else that saw it, that this FAST read, and if you put any kind of emotion behind it you'll be on the floor after the sixth read. My advice for everyone: don't fight the script, it knows what it wants.

Quote:
You may seek to project to as many singulars or crowds as you wish, or warm cold commodities to lava-like temperatures; if you sound rushed, it becomes stressful to the ear. The listener shuts off long before your audience play enters into the equation.
I don't believe that is a true statement, for a while there commercials were very fast paced, they are at the moment slowing down to some extent, but the trend will change in a few weeks and we'll be required preform and breakneck speed, so you've got to keep your chops ready at all times.
I offer you this speedy commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeK5ZjtpO-M

Quote:
Thirdly, there was no time for any easy-going "uhs" or "ahs", or vocal pauses of note.
Sometimes one needs to work out the timing, possibly read a section that is not essential to the product faster, so that you can squeeze in a "pause" or a "well" or "uh". If you read the copy at an even pace you won't have time for it, but if you speed up and slow down and find the rhythm of he copy, you will find the time to sneak in those little nuances in. Often you don't need to inject verbal places holders, taking a "beat" or pause is all you need.

Quote:
The copywriter in me would have easily squelched the incongruous "probably a relief.....first car phone" phrase to make time for some everydayness.
I'm with you there brother. But I'm no the copy writer, and on a corporate gig like this, this script went up and down the chain of command: lawyers, CEO, PR department, and lastly the CEO's wife, they anin't going to change it for nothing.

Quote:
I note that you didn't manage to squeeze in any casual interjections either.
I think you better listen again. Though I did not inject any uh or ahs I did inject "well" as a thinking pause, and I used voice inflection, and "beats" as transitional points of thought. Often silence says more then any word can.

I hope I addressed your comments Robert and all others as well with this single reply.
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The Blog:
http://voiceoveraudio.blogspot.com/

Acoustics are counter-intuitive. If one thing is certain about acoustics, it is that if anything seems obvious it is probably wrong.


Last edited by Mike Sommer on Sun May 18, 2008 3:28 pm; edited 2 times in total
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